RSS
Gawker
penile classics
Posts Tagged “
my cock
”
Who Can "Thrust Gawker Deep Into The New Era"?
The applications are flooding in to be the new honcho of this website! Today we received a submission from an old friend, one that we thought should be shared with the whole class.
The applications are flooding in to be the new honcho of this website! Today we received a submission from an old friend, one that we thought should be shared with the whole class.
BalkerStalker: You still going to post comments on Gawker once you leave?Balk BTW: I dunno. I think it would sort of feel like being that guy who still hangs around high school after high school.
BalkerStalker: Yeah. Hate those guys.
BalkerStalker: What about your cock?
Balk BTW: My Cock hangs around high schools NOW.
Balk BTW: So probably.
glittering prizes
Spurned MacArthur Genius Award Candidate Reflects
BALK BTW: Hey, what's up?
COCK BTW: Not me! I am DOWN, DOWN, DOWN.
BALK BTW: Oh no, what's wrong?
COCK BTW: The MacArthur genius grants came out today, and ONCE AGAIN I'm not on the list.
BALK BTW: Did you really expect to be?
COCK BTW: Every goddamned year! Do you know a brighter Cock than me?
yom kippur
My Bad, Darfur
Each year (or really, every 11 months and two weeks or so, kinda), the Jews observe Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, during which leather shoes and doing it are totally forbidden. Then there are many apologies. Let it begin with us! Herewith, Balk makes amends to some of the people he's hurt so horribly this year. More »
golden showers, golden years
Old People Have Sex
Balk BTW: Okay, sorry about this, I don't want to bring you down or anything, but I have to ask. Whaddya think about that study that shows that the elderly are still getting it on? This one:
Balk BTW: "The study of 3005 adults aged 57 to 85 found most had an active sex life with a partner or spouse. More than half of sexually active older adults had sex two to three times a month—the same frequency reported among younger adults in a 1992 national survey."
measuring up
10 Ways Women Judge Your Wang
We were directed to this classic piece from Men's Health that describes the ten ways women judge prospective suitors."So much subliminal information is conveyed in those first seconds of contact," says Carol Kauffman, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and psychology instructor at Harvard medical school. Okay, so you're on the clock. Make every second count.Too true. But how does this advice relate to your lifehammer? We asked our resident sexual expert to see if this advice applied for the members of his tribe. Okay, so you're on the cock. Make every second count. More »
"The Ice Cream Cone, The Bob & Weave, Operation, The Swirl, The Hoover, The Plunger: Yes, these are all different types of blowjobs. Sweet Christ, people. Just suck. How complicated is it?" [Jesse on the Brink]
dick lit
Man's Penis To Write Memoir About Inability To Not Orgasm
We just got word that My Cock is is shopping a book proposal, and that the proposed title of the proposed book is Here I Come Again. It's "a memoir by a phallus who has always had an orgasm." The project is a handbook-cum-memoir, and is said to detail Cock's incessant ability to ejaculate. There's some graphic material here (a chapter entitled "Hawaii Five-O" details a shocking five-orgasm afternoon spent in the restroom of New York restaurant Hawaiian Tropic Zone) as well as some embarrassing revelations ("30 Seconds To Mars: The Early Years"). We reached My Cock for comment. "Dude," he wrote, "I'm a cock. I come all the time! In fact, I'm coming right now! I didn't know there was anything remarkable about it until yesterday, but, hell, if that's what the market wants, that's what they're gonna get. We want to get this out quickly, for the holiday season. Of course, the title is provisional: If anyone has a better idea, let me know."
Earlier: Mara Altman Is Writing A Book About How She Has Never Orgasmed
Related: Were You Freakishly Old When You Figured Out How To Come? Make The Memoirist Feel Better...
writing your own ticket
A Night Out With Me, About Me, By Me
A Drunk Finally Gets A Chance To Whine
NEW YORK
LAST night found Alex Balk, "blogger," drinking with his cock, My Cock, at Old Town, a classic tavern in the Union Square neighborhood here. Half the bar was shrouded in shadow, but Mr. Balk was illuminated by the red glow from the neon sign overhead. This seemed fitting, given that Mr. Balk had just turned red after reading a New York Times "A Night Out With" about writer Stacey Grenrock Woods, erroneously described, as the photos here show, by the paper's website as being written (in the third person) by Stacey Grenrock Woods.
urban studies
How To Avoid Jury Duty
We don't know what it says about our job—actually, we know exactly what it says about our job: It blows—that we were excited for jury duty, but there you have it. Three days without work where we could get up at the relatively late hour of eight and sit around reading the newspaper without thinking, "Oh, I have to try to be funny about that"? Where do we sign up? (The DMV, apparently.) Anyway, it was with joy in our heart and a spring in our step that we hopped on the 6 train and headed down to City Hall. It took us about two seconds in the waiting room (after the comedy court clerk started his shtick, but before that horrible video with Ed Bradley, God rest his soul, began to play) that we remembered: Jury duty sucks. More »
again with the jews
First They Came For Me And I Did Not Speak Out Because I Was Kind Of Hungover
You ever get the feeling you're being persecuted based solely on your personal creeds and beliefs? That a sinister cabal is against you because they don't like what you represent? Then you know how I feel today. Friends, I want to tell you something: The Jews are after me. That's right, using their powerful positions in the media, this master race is coming at me like an elite team of Israeli special forces. (Is it an actual simile if you compare the Jews to the Jews? Hmm!) Anyway, they have a problem with some of the larger truths I've been telling about their secretive ways and financial acumen. More »
specialty meats
Italian Mocked For His Sweet Sausage
From the Post, this heartbreaking story of degradation and sexual harassment: James Bonomo, who sold paper for Mitsubishi International, slapped his former employer with a lawsuit after a night of karaoke gone awry. What happened? Seems that during a trip to Tokyo, Bonomo, his boss, "Tetsuya Furuichi, and a China-based Mitsubishi exec had dinner with a potential customer." As is often the case, penis portraiture ensued. More »
"These shows have semen as their very special guest star. The sperm gets billing above the dead woman's body, which the sperm is sort of tossed out upon. In the transcripts for some of these shows, the discussion about the semen is actually longer than the discussion about the victim: how voluminous the man's semen is, where it is in the room. They use their goggles, turn off the light and there's just sperm everywhere." [Salon]
different strokes
My Cock For Barack
Rhymes With Cory: So remember last week when you were all, "Oh no, Emily's going to be gone all week, we're never gonna have enough material?"
BALK BTW: As if it were Friday.
Rhymes With Cory: And I was like, "Nah, we'll be fine." And you said, "We're going to be begging My Cock for posts." And I told you it would never happen?
BALK BTW: Uh huh.
Rhymes With Cory: Is Your Cock awake? Because we have a huge hole.
BALK BTW: Funny enough, we were just IMing. Are we really that desperate?
Rhymes With Cory: I would take a post from Your Balls at this point.
BALK BTW: Okay, lemme see if he's up for it.
Hawaiian Tropic Zone: Betty Friedan's Dreams Made Flesh
The Hawaiian Tropic Zone restaurant is apparently a safe place for women! Owner Dennis Riese tells the New Yorker that he likes the ladies, and in a good, gyno-positive Naomi Wolf way.
The Hawaiian Tropic Zone restaurant is apparently a safe place for women! Owner Dennis Riese tells the New Yorker that he likes the ladies, and in a good, gyno-positive Naomi Wolf way.
"You know, a penis is more than a phallic symbol made flesh. It's a warm, life-sized attachment that serves a number of utilitarian purposes, too, and over time develops its own wry personality and quirks, or so it can seem to its owner." Looks like Vanity Fair's James Wolcott is trying to get into the anthropomorphized penis business. Guess what, Wolcott? There's only one cock in these parts, and it's Mine. Back the fuck off before it cuts you a new peehole. [VF]
