Gawker

Red Eye Hates Belgium Far More Than You [Foreigners]

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:30:46 EST

What did Belgium do to Red Eye's Andrew Levy? We've never really given the country much thought, to be honest. But apparently someone at Fox News' second funniest late-night offering has been deeply offended by the nation and wants revenge. Did you know the Belgians murdered Paddington Bear and are so stupid they fish for cows? We're guessing that Greg Gutfeld (or one of his writers) was either stabbed or dumped in Belgium. Or he's still not over his Chimay hangover. (Thanks go to intern Shannon for the clip!)

The Week We Went to San Francisco [Week In Review]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:37:42 EST

Hot dog! We have a wiener! And it's Hillary Clinton, who may or may not have been offered and may or may not accept the job of Secretary of State. Whee!
A famous blogger is in trouble with the law!
Happy TV Christmas and Thanksgiving everyone!
Ashley Dupre is back! She's on TV and everything! We have advice for her.
Al-Qaeda called our new president names and a douchebag sued over getting called a douchebag.
Another week, another opportunity to just write PUPPIES!
Next week, Bill O'Reilly will take on beatniks. Did you know they listen to jazz?
Katie Couric tried some more GOTCHA JOURNALISM with Dave.
Soon Anna Wintour may be out of job! But, like, maybe voluntarily. Unlike you and everyone else in the nation. There's always Dubai.

Illustration: Shamoononon

Sharks Circling, the Weinstein Co. Starts to Shrink [Deathwatch]

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:10:21 EST

Whenever he's had a glaring problem in his business, Harvey Weinstein — legendary manipulator of the press — has always been a master at deflecting attention away: No Oscars recently? Just look at how much money the lowbrow genre films his brother Bob have been raking in! No big genre successes? Well, look at our home video business! The home video business is struggling? Well, we've got an Oscar film coming up! The cycle can be repeated over and over, but financial facts always trump spin. And today, the Weinstein Co. laid off 24 of its employees, 11% of its total staff, according to the New York Post, in what will only provide more chum in the water for those not-so-quietly rooting for the final downfall of the Weinsteins.

The reason cited today was, of course, "the economy." But all of the bright spots the Weinsteins once pointed to at their company are dimming. The biggest potential break-out movie on this year's slate was Zack and Miri Make a Porno starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks. As a Kevin Smith film, it's done fine since opening over Halloween weekend, with just over $27 million at the box office. But that's nowhere near the kind of return they'll need to convince tight-fisted investors to pump more money into TWC. Their cash-generating Project Runway is tied up in a nasty law suit that will keep it from returning to the air any time soon.

And the boring side of the business, the 70% stake in straight-to-video distribution arm Genius Products, is now literally a penny stock, closing on Friday at 4 cents per share, valuing the whole operation, which they once touted as a potential billion-dollar enterprise, at less than $3 million.

The Weinsteins are running out of lifelines. But they still provide colorful stories. On Wednesday, some people at the Weinstein Co. were told to clean out their offices because a "special guest" would be coming through on Friday. Those same people learned this afternoon that it was just a ruse to speed their exit when they were told they were getting the ax.

Births, Deaths, and Marriages [Births, Deaths, And Marriages]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:00:17 EST

Births, Deaths, and Marriages is a column about what's happening to persons of interest in Gawker society. Send us your tips about breakups, hookups, knock-ups, and everything else that completes the circle of media-life. Today: one oddly-named celeb infant, one knockup, one breakup, and rabid right-wingers in luv:

Births: Spiderman actor Toby Maguire's wife? Knocked up again. Whoops, we mean "with child." Congrats! [US Weekly]
Of course, you already heard about "singers" Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's oddly-named baby, Bronx Mowgli Wentz.

Deaths: Donald Finkel, a respected American poet "whose work teemed with curious juxtapositions" [NYT], and Irving Gertz. Getz wrote the music—"often uncredited" for monster movies, including The Incredible Shrinking Man, It Came From Outer Space, and The Thing That Couldn’t Die. [NYT]

Marriages: Fox News gal Margaret Hoover ("great-granddaughter of President Herbert Hoover") just got engaged to former Giuliani speechwriter John P. Avlon. Sounds like quite the match. [P6]

Divorces: Jodi Sweetin—Full House child star and soon-to-be meth addiction memoirist—is divorcing her second husband. Bummer. [US Weekly]

[Sponsored]

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:00:17 EST

Kreepie Kats in "We've All Been Named Special Assistants to the Undersecretary of the Department of Fucking Your Mom" [Kreepie Kats]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:54:15 EST

[Jim Behrle's Kartoon Kats have been reading The Economist lately, and it has made them sad. Luckily: there are pirates!! Everyone loves pirates!! Klick thru for high seas adventure!]

Reports: HuffPo Maybe, Coulda Raised $15 Million [Media]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:48:33 EST

According to some reports, the Huffington Post has raised $15 million in a new round of investment. But nobody really knows for sure whether that's true, yet! Let us say right up front that if it is true—and the Times UK says it is—this will be the coup of the media meltdown. Raising cash like that in this economic environment is impressive, and we would have to tip our hats to HuffPo, and acknowledge that we have wildly underestimated them. Here are all of the details from various reports on Arianna's maybe-triumph:

The original story said only that Huffpo "will confirm within the next week that it has completed a $15 million (£10 million) fundraising from investors."
PaidContent says that their sources have confirmed to them that the investor is Oak Investment Partners, which has invested in several other digital media companies. Before this, the site's backers had put in $25 million into the site. PaidContent estimates the deal's valuation of HuffPo at around $100 million.
But! AlleyInsider says that "A source close to the company tells us these reports are 'stupid and false' and 'wrong across the board.'" Then they add, "HuffPo cofounder Ken Lerer is an investor in our parent company." HMMM.
HuffPo itself is not commenting.
But you might reasonably say: Sure, their traffic has been great through the election season. But won't it fall off a cliff now that the election is over? It sure looks like it according to Quantcast's numbers (see below). But maybe not! Number-crunching wunderkind Nate Silver's fivethirtyeight.com, HuffPo has actually increased its average traffic by 9% since the election.

The truth will come out shortly. If these reports are accurate, we're impressed.

Obama Selects Money-Fixer [Hooray]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:46:44 EST

Barack Obama's Treasury Secretary pick made the stocks jump! We're all saved! Drudge calls New York Fed President Tim Geithner "The Man Who Can Save Economy?" (Family Love Geithner!) Geithner worked, obviously, at the Treasury Department that helped create this mess, in the Bob Rubin and Larry Summers days. His background is solid "didn't foresee this in retrospect obvious problem" economist, what with his IMF and Group of Thirty stints, just like everyone else considered for the job. Woman-hater Larry Summers will still probably do something in an Obama administration. Meanwhile comical New Mexico governor Bill Richardson will be our Commerce Secretary, because he's clearly bored in New Mexico. Hillary Clinton is still dithering about her job offer, and Obama will apparently finally announce that whole thing after Thanksgiving.

CodePink's Iron Curtain Call [The Commies]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:45:00 EST

Every so often one commenter serves the public body in singularly superb fashion. These comrades deserve recognition individually—a chance to come forward and take a bow. Today we honor commenter CodePink, who in her weird, warm, wise, and always funny way makes the days tick by just a little faster. Enjoy five of her best comments this week after the jump. Nobody does it better.

From Anna Wintour To New York Magazine: 'Just Go Away':
"Ms. Wintour: 'Well, that's an interesting question; what's more interesting to me is if your mother cries every night because you turned out so ugly and stupid. Goodbye.'"
From On Stylista, The Fat Girl Is 'The Elephant In The Room':
"Last time I went on a Fat Rampage, I pushed down shelves of canned ham at C-Town, shook 7 Up two liter bottles and opened them all at the same, and then threw poundcakes at children, all whilst snarling."
From The Next New Thing: The Next New Thing:
"Here are some new things:
mint flavored soda
raspberry hamburgers
computers that can fit in your eyeball!
rainbow colored babies
Kansastana
marrying my aunt!"
From Why Aren't There Any Good Hoaxes Anymore?:
"I one time went to the store to buy bananas but instead i bought apples and tried to make a banana split out of apples and everyone was like that's more like apple pie ala mode and i said no it's a banana split and then three people jumped off the roof because it messed them up so bad that idea. it was hoax!"
From Seriously, Why Even Bother Profiling Julia Allison?:
"What I ask is this: why even bother bothering to bother being bothered by bothering?"

And many, many more. Congrats Pinkie!

Poster Boy, Live In Action [Artists]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:16:01 EST

Anonymous subway-based ad remix artist and minor obsession of ours Poster Boy has been caught on film! All we had before to identify him was this photo(shop). Animal NY's vandal-in-chief Bucky Turco spent a nice evening with PB in a Brooklyn subway station, just cold maxing and relaxing and shooting the breeze while carving up ads with an X-acto knife and attacking trains. We now have a definitive description of Poster Boy: a male wearing a hat, doing art. If you see anyone matching that description, call police immediately. (Not really, snitches!). Watch the full clip below:

Poster Boy In Action from ANIMALmagazine on Vimeo.

[Animal NY]

Now You Can Smell Like Barack Obama [Merchandise]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:54:00 EST

Yesterday we introduced you to the tiniest Obama keepsakes, and today we come across the smelliest Obama-related merchandise (but not the plateiest). Barack Obama perfume, spotted at 30th and 6th. Radosh points out, though, that this is not an original idea: 1. 2. 3. Click for larger picture.

Your Predictions For The New York Times Co. [Recessionomics]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:36:44 EST

When the NYT Company slashed its dividend and announced ominous October revenues yesterday, we asked you, our kindly readers: Might this company go into bankruptcy? If so, when? And if not, what should they do? Many of you answered! And virtually every viable option for the company was suggested at least once. The Sulzberger family should just read the following list of your responses and pick one, depending on how optimistic they're feeling today:

The optimist:

Never [will they go bankrupt]!

The alternatives:

Take it private Arthur!

The falling stock price seems more likely to impact the ability of the Sulzberger family to keep control of the company.

Maybe it's time for The New York Times to do what The Guardian did— put the paper in something like The Scott Trust and invest in whatever will keep it going in perpetuity and out of the hands (and whims) of private ownership and advertising dependency.

The pessimists—bankruptcy predictions:

Before 1st quarter results are announced. Maybe a week before

bloomberg buys it 3rd Q. '09.

Seriously, Why Even Bothering Profiling Julia Allison? [Fameballs]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:24:45 EST

It's funny and meta to watch Julia Allison get profiled. Since she's already done all the work for us in real time—chronicling her thoughts and moods and outfits on her blog—a profile seems beside the point and out of date by the time it goes to print—we've already seen those outfits and photos, and we already know what events she's been to. Journalists are usually left baffled upon their first introduction to the JA force of nature—when we've been collectively getting her IMs for years! Australia is just now catching on to this Internet fameball/oversharing thing, putting Allison on the cover of a magazine—and including her close personal friend, and also our former editor, Emily Gould. (At this point, Em seems like she wants to erase the Internet and spend a month in a sensory-deprivation chamber.) The profile is very similar to Allison's Wired cover story, except for perhaps the journalist's outright dislike for her subjects.

She calls Allison's two sidekicks Mary and Megan "equally terrifying alpha girlfriends." (Touché!) Also: "I meet Gould in the painfully sceney Balthazar cafe in New York’s Soho (her choice)." Dang.

However, we finally learn how Julia thinks her baffling Nonsociety startup will earn money!

"Her plan, however, is to earn a living from product endorsement on her nonsociety site. As she goes to great lengths to emphasise, this has never been done before, so its chance of success is uncertain (my conclusion, not hers)."

We knew it... although who knows if that will work. Blueprint Cleanse, anyone? Betsey Johnson? Cupcakes? May we interest you in a designer handbag?

People Editor Calls Times Allegations 'Totally Bogus' [Internal Memos]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:12:19 EST

High profile press fight! People magazine editor Larry Hackett just sent out an internal memo blasting the page one New York Times story today about People's alleged shady dealings with Angelina Jolie. Specifically, the Times cited two anonymous sources "with knowledge of the bidding" for the photos of Jolie and Brad Pitt's most recent newborns—which cost People $14 million—who said that there was an formal agreement that "obliged" the magazine to offer only positive coverage. Of course, as Hackett acknowledges, their coverage was positive; but he strongly asserts that the magazine would never "purposely slant coverage as condition for acquiring pictures." And indeed, the Times may have oversold that angle in their story. There's certainly a difference between what Jolie asks for, and what a magazine would explicitly "promise" to do. Read his full memo below:

Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 3:30 PM
Subject: Today's New York Times
Importance: High

I don't normally address press stories about how we do our business
here at People. But today's New York Times pg. 1 story about Angelina
Jolie requires a response. In the lede, the story strongly suggests
that People, while negotiating for the twins pictures, had explicit
conversations about our "editorial plan" and made "a promise" that
coverage would be positive.

These sorts of stories have appeared in media gossip columns before.
I have ignored them in the past as the unfortunate fallout of competition
and sour grapes. But today's story, in a much different venue, takes these
rumors to a new level, so let me be absolutely clear: The suggestion that
we have ever made any promise of positive coverage, or have submitted
an editorial plan, is completely false. That I or anyone else would promise,
on paper or verbally, to purposely slant coverage as condition for acquiring
pictures, is insulting to all of us.

Here's what is true: Celebrities—-and senators and business executives and
athletes—are always trying to bend stories their way. We deal with that pressure
every single day and engage in many conversations regarding all elements of
coverage. Angelina Jolie is very candid about wanting attention for her charitable
efforts, and we have covered many of them because we believe they are interesting
stories. But in doing so, we have never relinquished editorial control. There have been
occasions when her goals and our needs could not be reconciled, and we have walked away,
as we have with countless other story subjects.

In our coverage of both celebrities and everyday people, People certainly often celebrates
their accomplishments and milestones. To say that our coverage of Angelina Jolie has not
been admiring would be disingenuous. But the suggestion in today's Times that this "positive"
coverage is codified and promised is totally bogus, and needs to be
rejected.

Larry

Anna Wintour To New York Magazine: 'Just Go Away' [Cat Fight!]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:05:00 EST

NY mag's fashion blog The Cut ran into the Vogue editrix Wintour at the National Book Awards this week. They politely (we assume!) asked her about the rumors that she might retire. They are (sort of) substantive rumors and it's a question about her job, not her personal life, so you'd think that she'd respond as courteously as she could. Except, no she didn't. She gave 'em the ol' heave-ho:

The Cut: There have been some rumors, and we were wondering if you had plans for retirement.
Anna Wintour: I'm so sorry, I think that's an extremely rude question. Leave me alone.
The Cut: May we ask what you would do if you did retire?
Anna Wintour: No. Just go away.
The Cut: Okay, thank you, enjoy your dinner.

Hee!

[The Cut]

[Sponsored]

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:05:00 EST

Populist GM Executives Will Muddle Through With Only Three Jets [Public Relations]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:29:51 EST

General Motors caught a leeetle bit of flack this week for flying its executives to Washington on a private jet in order to beg for a taxpayer bailout. "Hey," said politicians, the media, and the general public, "you have less than zero money. Should you really have spent thousands on a private jet?" We would also add, "Shouldn't you have driven a car?" Later GM and its fellow broke automakers left Washington with no money, making this one of the colossal PR fuckups of 2008, and possibly of the preceding decade as well. But everything is different now, because GM is going to have somewhat fewer private jets. So please give them some multiple of billions of dollars okay?

They did have five company planes. Now they're cutting down to just three. Tightening the belt!

General Motors, the embattled US carmaker, buffeted by criticism for sending its chief executive on a private jet to plead for government aid, vowed today to stop leasing two of its five company planes.

GM is "very sensitive" to "the symbolic issue of people showing up in Washington in corporate jets", spokesman Tom Wilkinson said, promising more cuts to come at the company.

Now you know that spokesman was probably desperately searching Craigslist job ads at the time of this quote and didn't give it much thought, so cut him some slack. Because let's face it, GM is going broke broke. [Guardian via Clusterstock]

200,000 People Want Obama To Pay Them [No Depression]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:21:02 EST

Barack Obama was elected just a few weeks ago, and he does not take office until late January. But everyone is so excited! He got his transition website up and running right away, and everyone in America immediately clicked on the "jobs" tab, because everyone in America needs a job. Sorry, guys—they've already received 200,000 applications. Which is unprecedented for an incoming administration. We did the research!

In December of 2000, right after it finally became clear that George W. Bush would be our next president and the world was therefore doomed, the New York Times reported that there was a surge of applications for jobs in his administration too. That surge was totally pathetic, though, in retrospect:

As of Tuesday night, before it was even certain that Mr. Bush would become president, his skeletal transition operation here had received 20,177 job applications. Most came through the operation's Web site, with a growing number arriving by mail and fax. All are being sorted by a staff of 16 personnel assistants.

In an even more amusing Washington Post story from early December of 1992, Al Kamen reported that the Clinton transition team was using computers to "scan" resumes!

Thus far, the transition office has received 10,200 resume's — one-tenth of the 100,000 applications it expects at a rate of 1,500 a day.

People really needed jobs back then, too.

And here is some wonderful advice that makes absolutely no sense from the Washington Post in December of 1980, explaining how to get a job with the incoming Reagan administration:

Waelde recently listed for seminar participants (most of whom had worked for the government for more than five years and held positions at GS-11 and above) what he calls the "three basic career constraints to advancement in the government:"

Professional constraints: "While it may be obvious, we often don't want to face the fact that it's not possible to get an endless series of promotions from the same position. As a secretary, or accountant or whatever, you can only go so high."

"The federal workforce is diamond-shaped. There are just a handful of GS-1 jobs, more and more GS-3, -4, -5, -7 positions, on up to Gs-11 — after which it tightens up again. So the competition gets tougher in the higher levels.

"You need to stop and think what additional skills you'll need to get the promotion you want. Check the position classification standards of the job you want and see what the typical duties are. Figure out how you can get that experience. It may mean going back to school, or it may mean asking for different responsibilities on your present job that will broaden your skills."

Organizational constraints: "Many people don't know that agencies often have staffing patterns allowing only a certain number of authorized positions at each grade level.

"So for you to be promoted, there must be a vacancy ahead of you. You could be the best in the world, but if everything's clogged up ahead of you, you may not be promoted. An agency change may be the only way to get out of that hole."

Personal constraints: "If you don't get along well with your supervisor, it's probably going to hurt your promotion possibilities."

But the single biggest pitfall to getting a federal job and advancing, says Waelde, "is poor SF 171 preparation. You've got to look at it as a work sample. They may get 200 applications for a GS-15 position, and only six or so will be referred to the selection office. You've got to make yourself stand out."

Among his advice for "top-notch 171 preparation":

Don't attach a resume. "It means the selection panel has to flip back and forth and makes a more cumbersome package."

Type it.

Make concrete and specific statements. "Don't say 'I identified and analyzed major problems in federal aid programs.' Give examples of problems encountered, your analysis technique and several of the aid programs."

Customize formats. "You're not going to be able to describe your experience in eight lines, so cut and paste, then Xerox, to add space — as long as it's neatly done. Paricularly for positions at GS-13 and above, you've got to tailor your 171 to the specific job."

Good advice for the million people who'll apply to work for President Obama. Work on that SF 171 application!

In Which I Try To Explain Twilight [Peeling The Apple]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:58:00 EST

I know that you will probably stab me in the heart with a wooden stake for doing this, but I'm going to write another post about Twilight. You there, under the rock? Twilight is: spectacularly shitty book series by Stephanie Meyer and now a movie (out today! it's bad!) about a dimensionless girl named Bella and the suave sex vampire that she loves, named Edward. It's swoony moony goony shit, and, again, is terribly, monstrously, embarrassing-for-the-whole-of-the-craftly bad. So why on earth is it so popular, and what is Twilight, I mean really what is it? I will attempt to answer those IMPORTANT questions after the jump. Then you can elucidate (please! please!) in the comments.

Theory 1: Twilight Is Chocolate
Let's get the obvious, probably-the-cold-bare-truth one out of the way. There's nothing new about young people, young women especially, going apeshit bananas over something that brings a fierce yet chaste smolder to their loins—be it the cherubic young matinee idols like Romeo + Juliet-era Leonardo DiCaprio, the crotch-twirling "baby come back" antics of a boy band (from Beatles to Backstreet), or, you know, the dark brooding eternal prick tease of sexless vampire love (Buffy! And now, sigh, Twilight!). While most boys just hairy palm their way past longings for love and post-in/out/in/out intimacy, many girls get snared and tangled in that brambly bush of idol worship, and any conduit through which they can explore and advance these tinglings is, usually, seized upon with great fervor. And Meyer wrote the perfect conduit for a certain set of young ladies—one about Changes (she moves!), School (she's awkward!), Bodies (she's clumsy!), and Boys (he's alabastery beautiful and dangerous!) Certain little women throw this shit to the curb as the fantasy garbage that it is, but others (whether consciously or not) see some great unspoken wish-fulfillment in it—that you can snare the boy by doing next to nothing, that you can fix a troubled man, that somewhere out there is a place where you and only you are special and it's up to all those other bitches to just look on in awe. Pretty powerful magicks.

Theory 2: Twilight Is Barack Obama
Yes it's true! Published in 2005, just one short year after Obama gave his ground-rumbling speech at the DNC in Boston, Twilight and the president-elect share many qualities. Both had rabid cult followings until they bled and blossomed into mainstream phenomena. Both are about love with utter abandon—to overlook or dismiss the fangs or Rev. Wrights. And both are about potential danger lurking in the periphery—Edward might eat Bella! Obama might pull off his Mission: Impossible mask and reveal himself to be Jimmy Carter, thus hurling the nation into a socialism-flecked doom of poverty and lawlessness. But in the end, both are less than what they seem. Twilight is just pat aspirational shit to please the ladies (see above) and Obama is just part inspirational grit and part just a fairly moderate Democrat who will do fine, if not well, as a two term president (we Hope). The implication here, I guess, is that Barack Obama is a vampire. It would make sense. After all, his daddy was a cannibal.

Theory 3: Twilight Is The Last Gasp Of Chic Religious Conservatism
Remember when John McCain's daughter Meghan said that being a Republican was the last way to be punk and it was really dumb and also a few years too late because the whole thing had been death rattling for a while at that point? Well Twilight is sort of the other side of that. It was timely and it was apt and it was cool, for the subset of Christian America it directly appealed to. In 2005, it was pretty righteous for a Mormon housewife from Arizona to write a long, turgid book about two hot-as-hell young people (well, "young" here is relative, I guess) falling madly in love and kissing and then screwing their brains out... after they get married (and even then they only do it twice)! There's a nice anti-abortion trope thrown into the last book, I'm told (should she carry Edward's demon baby that will probably kill her to term? Yes! Yes she should!) and a comfortable hat tip to the old Mormon idea that women can't get into Heaven without the help of a man. Bella is made vampyr by Edward in the end, and they amble off together into fuckfest eternity. What a sly devil Meyer was to try and couch all this in supposedly lush mod-period melodrama (you know what we would call Twilight in the theatre? Agitprop), trouble is, she's such a spectacularly shitty writer that the light starts to poke through, a few years later. But she got away with it for a while! Don't think she would now.

So which is it? Twilight as female soul-tickler? Twilight as political Daemon? Or Twilight as the last bit of tricky mainstream Christo-conservatism to sneak its way past the lefty sensors? Or, you know, none of the above?

Saturday Night Live May Hire Jordan Carlos For Obama Gig! [Comedy]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:51:31 EST

Big news on the Saturday Night Live Obama comedy crisis front: the show is auditioning several comedians who may take the Obama impersonation role from the workmanlike but not-so-funny Fred Armisen. And these new comedians are black, like Obama himself, coincidentally! And even more importantly, one of the contenders is reportedly our close personal friend Jordan Carlos, who already made his case for the role directly to Gawker readers! Three others are also in the running. But we really hope Jordan Carlos gets it, because then we are totally going to demand some free tickets for ourselves! And, of course, for you as well. We totally called it. Maybe. [Daily Beast]

Mysterious Michiko Startles Readers with a Rhyme [Books]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:25:12 EST

Famously harsh New York Times book critic Michiko Kakutani has clearly taken a liking to prolific New Yorker writer and "Deadline Poet" columnist for The Nation Calvin Trillin's latest political book: apparently moved to write a poem, she reviewed it in verse. You know, in the style of his book, also written in verse! "Trillin recounted this all with verve and élan/Charting the candidates’ every slogan and plan." Check out the excerpt—and then you can turn the table and judge her poetic efforts.

"McCain’s pick of Palin was more grist for the mill,
Caribou Barbie saw herself as a tool of God’s will,
At least that’s how Trillin saw the lass from Alaska,
Whom Republicans hoped would play in Nebraska."

And:

"Trillin praised the country’s choice to reboot
In verse that was witty, quick and acute.
What had begun two books back as a wry chronicle of woe
Became a tribute to the nation’s ability to grow." [NYT]

We appreciate the bold break from form, but reviewing a book in the style it was written is totally a Janet Maslin move—like she did with James Frey's new novel. Let's not ever imitate Maslin.

Rupert Murdoch's Two-Way Assault On The NYT [Newspapers]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:13:35 EST

The financial reports of the New York Times Co. yesterday were predictably awful. Print ad revenue was cratering even before the stock market collapsed, so it's hard to see any turnaround in the near future. And as if the economy itself isn't giving the Times enough problems, they're also dealing with Rupert Murdoch trying to crush them, advertising-wise, in a pincer grip; the Wall Street Journal is falling on their head, and the New York Post is coming right up their ass.

Rupert made a lot of noise about taking on the Times directly when he bought the WSJ. But he has a big advantage: another major newspaper in the same market. So while the WSJ is trying to steal away the NYT's high-end advertisers (and succeeding)—luxury watchmakers, Tiffany & Co., expensive liquors, and corporations running "message" ads—the other News Corp. paper, the unprofitable Post, is competing with the Times for middlebrow advertisers and upper middle class retailers in New York City—Bergdorf Goodman, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, car dealerships, cell phone companies.

Owner Rupert Murdoch's expansion of general news coverage [at the WSJ] and a new lifestyle magazine are starting to attract wealthy consumers and create ad space for retailers, said Milton Pedraza, chief executive officer of Luxury Institute LLC.

``They certainly have become a significant part of the advertising mix for luxury brands where they were not before,'' said Pedraza, whose New York research group tracks the market for the most expensive lines of consumer goods and services. ``They're definitely stealing advertising dollars.''

News Corp. has an inherent advantage. Plus, Rupert has shown a willingness to lose huge sums of money in newspaper wars, as the Post has been doing for years.

Maybe the Times should go tabloid, go weekly, and run lots of sex ads and crush the Village Voice. Just for self-esteem! [Bloomberg; pic via Daylife]

Sponsor Shout-out [Thanks Sponsors]

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:00:00 EST

Thanks to this week's sponsors: 1800 Tequila, AT&T Yellow Pages, Crunch Fitness, Dell, Hello Health, Ketel One, Montreal Rocks, Motorola Krave, Netherlands Chic, Nikon Coolpix, The New Museum, Pernod, Samsung, Sebastian Hair Care, Sobieski, Toyota, Women's Wear Daily. To become an advertiser, click here.

Does New York Have A Problem? [Magazines]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:25:34 EST

Yesterday New York magazine laid off Gael Greene, a food critic there for the past 40 years. Apparently the recession is hurting New York like everyone else—not as drastically as everyone else, of course, but enough to have to pare down their fat roster of restaurant reviewers. So is this just a longtime employee being pushed out, or a sign of something worse under the surface?

New York is owned by billionaire Bruce Wasserstein, the CEO of investment bank Lazard. Does he have money problems? Well, let's see:

Not so good! Like everyone else in the financial sector. And New York is not a cheap mag to own. Editor Adam Moss has been hiring top-notch talent at relatively high salaries for years now. It's not surprising they're trying to trim staff costs, and the fact is that a veteran restaurant reviewer is a cut that won't hurt as bad as lots of others might. Regardless of how talented she may be!

New York is a great magazine in its own way, but it's not a magazine that's set up to own the coverage of our new, post-financial-apocalypse society. New York is a magazine for the new rich. Watching them try to shift gears and tell us how to save money is like watching a country club try to recast itself as a sod farm.

So New York will make it through, with some shrinkage. Wasserstein will be rich, but not as rich. But New York won't really be back on its game until all of its readers can afford those holiday gift guide items once again.

Janet Jackson's Nipple Still Relevant, Controversial [Free Speech]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:25:06 EST

Hey, you know what will be nice? Whoever the hell Barack Obama appoints to the FCC can't possibly be as incredibly asinine as the current crew. Back in 2004, popular singer Janet Jackson's nipple destroyed America's innocence forever. The FCC fined CBS stations $550,000 for allowing the nipple to terrorize the children. The Third Circuit Court of Appeals threw out the fine, because the FCC has for decades not punished fleeting, incidental nudity on television, and also because come on get over it. But the FCC is now appealing to the Supreme Court, which may find in their favor!

The Supreme Court is already dealing with the FCC's fight with Fox. Fox's crime? Allowing Bono to swear on television. We want Bono off our televisions as much as the next guy, but the new FCC policy of allowing incidental, fleeting profanities in some instances, like news programs or in Supreme Court oral arguments regarding profanity, while handing fines out for random cursing during live award shows is maybe a bit arbitrary and capricious, right?

Still, the FCC is liking its chances in the Fox case, and so they are going to fight the nipple thing to the bitter end. Because the founding fathers always intended us to be a nation of prudish vulgarians. (It's in the Constitution's special Unrated edition.)

While America Lies In Ruins, Selfish Celebrities Party In Dubai [Treading On Me]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:23:59 EST

Are you a horrible camera flash-stained, fraying-at-the-edges tabloid media darling who mourns the loss of the recent American rococo decade? Is everyone being poor and complaining all the time just too much for you? Well worry not, dear inexplicably financed friend, because Dubai is waiting for you! Oh you know about crazy Dubai, don't you? Unlike this ailing and needy nation, the Arab Emirate is flush with sandy money and crazy man-made islands and, ooo, brand-new gaudy hotels! Like a beacon or a lighthouse calling to them out of the icky dark, American celebrities who had it better when the world was gold showed up in droves for the huge, $20 million dollar opening gala for the new Atlantis Palms megaresort in Dubai this week. Look who was there partying while we back here in the home country hopped boxcars and ate cold soup thickened with sawdust:

Cocaine-snazzled actress Lindsay Lohan, who is now a gay person dating a gay woman who deejayed at the bash. Odious "actress" and model Mischa Barton (who, OK, was born in England, but she made her money here). Tax-dodging half-vampire Wesley Snipes. Too-bored-to-ever-know-where-she-is fashion plate Mary Kate Olsen. I guess things here in the patriotic old US of A got a bit too messy for them, a bit too elbow-greasy. So they flit on over to some twirling, towering desert city of steel and glass where the champagne still flows and the hotels are tacky and people still have the energy to celebrate it all. Fair-weather Americans if you ask me.

While the country burns—literally and figuratively—these folks spent how much on dresses (and, um, banana-yellow suits in the case of Mr. Snipes), to go fete it up in the Middle East and had the audacity to smile?? Well I hope they like it over there in Terrorist Disney World, because they aren't allowed back here.

All images via Getty

Dude, Everybody's Saying You've Been Laid Off [Layoffs]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:11:16 EST

In this paranoid media climate, you can't even write an salient tongue-in-cheek piece about "desperate drinking" in a desperate media landscape without people assuming that you're sending some message that you've lost your job. Foster, author of a piece for BlackBook called "Desperate Drinking in Desperate Times," says that ever since he and co-writer Ben published the piece, "I've had at least 20 calls and/or emails asking if [editor] Chris Mohney laid me off via [Blackberry message] last night."

"This makes two things that were already totally evident even more evident:

(1) people don't actually read anything on the internet, and

(2) the economy and media jobs are so fucking shitty that, assuming they did, people managed to glaze over the fact that I'm dead, writing a post about having drinking myself to death the night before because of layoffs. Unreal/awesome."

Also, he adds, "I got a text from my mom last night: "Are you okay? Did you lose your job? Love u and would like to help."

As Freud would say, Sometimes an article about desperate drinking is just an article about desperate drinking.

Anderson Cooper Is So Totally Not Obsessed with Beyonce [VideUhOh]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:42:13 EST

Beyonce's latest video has sparked a YouTube dance craze. Anderson Cooper pretends to be confused about it to hide the fact that he's probably been grooving to it all day ("Do they still call them 'albums'?"), yet, he already knows that it's a "bouncy tune, as Lawrence Welk used to say—I'm quite partial to it myself." We know you are, Andy. We know you are.

Do the Trumps and Kushners Hate Each Other? [Rumormonger]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:24:25 EST

Ivanka Trump and real-estate golden boy and New York Observer owner Jared Kushner have been dating for over a year, and seem to be heading towards marriage—especially when you consider Ivanka's highly-publicized conversion to Judaism. But they keep denying that they're getting engaged, and we've heard a possible reason why: their families can't stand each other.

We hear that Trump isn't happy about Jared's dad's time as a jailed felon over real-estate dealings gone bad, and the Kushners aren't happy about Ivanka's shiksa status, despite her ingratiating attempt to convert—maybe because the effort means she's serious about marrying him for real. It's so romantic—like the Montagues and the Capulets! They'll probably want to be together even more now.

The Bungle Book [Rumer Scout And Tallulah Were Better]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:14:00 EST

World's Biggest Idiots Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson (both singers or musicians or something) have welcomed a baby boy into the world. The child's name is Bronx Mowgli. We repeat: Bronx. Mowgli. [Rolling Stone]